Nigerians don’t know how to look on the bright side. So we lost the 32nd edition of the Africa Nations cup. But at least we did not lose to the Cameroon kill-joys who could not allow us to win the cup on our soil. Not to mention that they made our own undimming star, Kanu Nwankwo cry!
But one has to wonder if Nigeria would have gone on to win AFCON this time around if we had these musicians who look more like footballers playing for us.
1. Flavour Na’abania
Flavour sings about hot girls. And he also likes to date them! He already has children with two ex-beauty queens. But when he’s not twisting his waist in music videos, you can find Flavour hobnobbing with Nigerian football stars.
He even commands more athletic presence than the footballers themselves. He’s got the dreadlocks and the look. Flavour can fit into the Nigeria national team any time.
We don’t know; Timaya may like football, but it appears he likes to sing about bum-bums more. But if he should ever indicate interest, we are sure he will fit in perfectly among the defensive line-up of the Nigeria team. He can take up where Taribo West left off.
Who remembers Florence Griffith Joyner? Why we ask is because if Kaycee cannot play well, at least he can put team members into colour-riot uniforms! If we can’t be remembered for winning, let us be remembered for our mismatched outfits! But let us be remembered for something!
4. Duncan Mighty
We have our doubts about the self-titled “port-harcourt boy”. Despite his athletic build, we fear Duncan Mighty might be too attuned to worrying about fake girls and riverine delicacies to pay much attention to the goings on in the pitch.
5. Adekunle Gold
The country would be proud to have the handsome and level-headed Mr. Adekunle Gold representing on the pitch. But is he too much of a nice guy to bring on a dirty tackle when we really need it? Would Simi not start an international incident by posting a sarcastic rejoinder to the timeline of the opposing player who tackles Adekunle a little too roughly? We can’t help but worry.
Phenomenal Phyno may not have the bulk, but footballing is not always about skills and physical attributes. Sometimes, looking like you are capable of literally stomping your opponent in the dust is enough to deflect any goals from your goal post (ask Taribo West).
The one and only Reminisce can sorrowfully sing about domestic violence all he wants but we know that deep inside, he’s a hard, hard guy. And where else can hard guys be except on the football pitch breaking the legs of opposing players. So he’s definitely one of our eleven Nigerian musicians who should be footballers
8. Burna Boy
Burna Boy is too busy being the music star of the moment. But we don’t mind having him on the Nigeria team, that is if he can spare some time from the music (and the smoking) to play for his country. He can also play the same position as Taribo West did.
Inyanya may be a little on the small side, but we can’t let all those pecs and abs go to waste. Rather than reserving it for video vixens to fool around with, he should do some actual good with it and bring it on the nation’s cup field to stop some goals for his country.
10. Falz the Badt Guy
Why not stick in Falz the Badt Guy for comic relief? Where hard-tackles, beefcakes, handsomeness, trash-talking and throwing tantrums fail, comedy will always win. It’s a no brainer, or as Falz himself would say:
The duo of the forkanizer dudes aka Skuki can complete our team of Nigerian musicians who should be footballers. Maybe if we channel their energy to football, they can finally put their haywire hormones to good use.