It’s the end of the year and everyone is making lists of events and things of 2018. Dictionaries are naming words of the year and corporations have found one year end thing or the other to promote their brand with.
So in the spirit of Pantone announcing a “colour of the year”, here’s our random but highly accurate best of Nigerian music 2018 awards:
(1) The Most Bankable Star 2018
What do we have here? There’s 2Baba, Reekado Banks and Wizkid.
Mr. Wizkid is an international act, and the newly minted CEO of Banks Music has had nothing but hits this year.
However, Amaka may disappoint 2Baba, but 2Baba never disappoints. He’s the gift that keeps on giving. Whether he is pandering to the prevalent pop culture with generic commercial hits like “Amaka” or he’s singing about serious societal issues in “e be like say”, 2Baba makes the business of hit-making seem effortless. WINNER: 2BABA
(2) The “Watchu Cooking That Everyone Wants A Taste?” 2018 Award.
Here, there’s Davido, Tiwa Savage, and Duncan Mighty
Tiwa Savage featured everyone and almost everyone featured Tiwa Savage. Davido is on a roll and it’s not surprising that all musicians plus their brothers and sisters want a piece of the action. But Duncan Mighty? Last time we checked in on him, he was still the “Port Harcourt boy”. However, in 2018, he and Wizkid schooled us on “Fake Girls”, he held his own in Tiwa Savage’s Mr. Lova Lova, before joining Davido on AZA. He even popped up in a Bracket song. WINNER: DUNCAN MIGHTY
(3) The Most Hedonistic Song 2018
Able God, Wetin We Gain, Poverty Die.
Here’s the deal; it’s one thing to SPECIFICALLY identify what God should give you and the exact quantity you want (regardless of His WILL). It becomes an entirely different matter when you proclaim to all the young people out there that if they don’t drive a benz or have bajillions of money, their lives are a total waste. WINNER: WETIN WE GAIN (Victor Ad).
(4) The Most Ill-thought Out Song 2018
Wetin We Gain, Logo Benz, Poverty Die
The alternate title of this award is “You are corrupting the minds of young people but you don’t know it”.
“Poverty Die” is among the songs here because those laptops in the video look really suspicious. It’s either Olamide is seriously concerned about the prevalent social ills in the country that he has to constantly sing about it, or his “money-by-any-means” mantra, is a cry for help. WINNER: LOGO BENZ (You fall hand for this one, Olamide and Lil Kesh).
(5) The “Broken Up But Still United In Sampling Other Artistes’ Sound” 2018 Award
Everyone does it, both home and abroad, but we think it’s high time this twins realize they have more in common than they’ll admit, and let their love of sampling unite them. WINNER: Psquare. (Mr. P, for “Cool It Down” (2017), sampling Blackstreet, Mya and Mase’s “Take Me There”. Rudeboy for “Together”, sampling, albeit lightly, Shakira’s “Whenever, Wherever”.
(6) The “I Don’t Know Why I’m So Hung Up On Bum-Bums” Award
Almost every present day Nigerian artiste qualified. But here, we have Ah Blem Blem, Kom Kom and Silicon Bum-Bum (Silicon Bum Bum is from 2017, we know, but do you see a recurring decimal here?). The first two are headlined by Timaya while he is featured by Solidstar in the third one. WINNER: Timaya. (Timaya, you need to find another subject matter for your songs come next year, we know you mixed it up a bit this year with “To You”, but still).
(7) The “We don’t Understand The Cacophony You Call Music But We Still Like It” Award.
Is it a song? Is it a tirade against someone? Or is it a medieval times battle cry? When it comes to these three, one can never know. So they are all WINNERS: Slimcase, Lil kesh, Idowest (but mostly Slimcase).
(8) The Most Unique Artist 2018
You know an artist had a great year if all the hard to please commenters and online warriors are unanimous in saying that indeed he was awesome. WINNER: Burna Boy.
(9) The Best Catchphrase From A Song
Amaka, Assurance and, Wetin We Gain
At a point some companies advertisements leveraged on the “Amaka disappoint me” refrain, and “Assurance” might have appeared on a flyer for a religious programme or two (it was that popular). But the phrase from a song that resonated with everyone in 2018 was, “Wetin We Gain”.
For some reason, music and politics go hand in hand. If musicians are not singing about politics (see 2Baba, African China, etc), politicians are singing about politics (see Senator Dino Melaya singing by himself, for himself and featuring himself). Hence this random awards to the best music of 2018 will not be complete without the following:
(a) The One True Democrat Award (Hope we don’t have to eat our words in the future):
Governor Ambode, Senator Shehu Sani
It was like a scene out of a high school movie. At the end of all the shenanigans, the only person still standing by the side of Governor Ambode was his wife. Other politicians in his same situation would have jumped ship. But Governor Ambode has stayed put in his party, possibly the only one in Nigeria to do so in recent times. WINNER: GOV. AMBODE
(b) The Most Ludicrous Leader Award
It was a close race. All the leaders from all the nooks and crannies of the country did their idiotic best to edge the other out. From those who did not pay workers at all, to those who paid pensioners half of one month’s salary, to those who literally pocketed the State’s treasury.
But then, the Ministry of Happiness called to say that they needed this award to fulfil their purpose.
PS: Please help me name other artistes who collaborated with Duncan Mighty in 2018 (I’m sure there are more).